MR. GREEN GOES TO WASHINGTON: Betcha didn’t know that Milford Township Supervisor Don Green testified before the Congressional Ethics Committee earlier this month. Curious? Here goes. D-Green circulated two blank petitions to collect signatures for the re-election of Thaddeus McCotter (don’t say his name three times in a row in front of a mirror, y’all) and was successful in gathering 15 John Hancocks on each petition, making for a total of — ready, math whizzes? — 30 legitimate signatures. Done deal, right? Well … no. As we know now, there was a bit of tomfoolery afoot and the 30 signatures Green diligently collected for the (former) five-term Congresspeep magically turned into 60 after they were received by the Thad Man’s Livonia congressional office, which apparently is a kind of like Narnia (or a brick-and-mortar incarnation of the Octomom). You just magically get more than what you expect from all three! “I told (the committee) that this is how it occurred,” Green said. For the record, for the colossal signature blunder, the disapproving fingers have been wagging at “Guitar Hero” McCotter and his staff, who are now being investigated by Michigan Attorney General Bill Schuette’s Office. Green has not been implicated in any wrong-doing. The investigation, which started over two months ago — insert the sounds of crickets chirping here — remains ongoing, and state Dems are scratching their heads about what’s taking so long, salivating like Pavlov’s dogs for the results. So are we.
SURPRISE, SURPRISE: With less than a week left until the Tuesday, Aug. 7 primary election, it’s business as usual in West Bloomfield Township — that is to say, there’s controversy. SURPRISE OF THE CENTURY! (Please, again, note the sarcasm) First, election cards were yoinked from Clerk Cathy Shaughnessy’s office, prompting an ongoing West Bloomfield Police Department probe. Police Chief Michael Patton said there was no forced entry… which, to us, means “inside job.” But it doesn’t seem like it was the cast of “Oceans Whatever” that pulled off the heist. Police are examining employee records and a comprehensive review is being done, although apparently there ain’t no darn timeline when the investigation will conclude. We’re itchin’ for answers like someone with fleas. Either way, just to be safe the township will now conduct a public accuracy test of randomly selected voting machines tomorrow, Thursday, Aug. 2 and Shaughnessy continues to maintain that the integrity of the election has not been compromised. As if that wasn’t enough, there were also a couple false alarms these past two weeks as Supervisor Michele Economou Ureste claimed that former township trustee Allen Aldelburg saw Trustee Larry Brown remove some of her signs from a property’s lawn. However, a police investigation showed that Brown was contacted by the township’s Code Enforcement Office after the property owner in the Middlebelt and Lone Pine area asked for signs to be removed from the property. Brown removed his signs and the property owner removed the signs of other candidates, according to the 5-0. On top of that, Shaughnessy and her “press secretary,” errr, deputy clerk, Joseph Munem sent out a press release on July 24 stating that her primary election challenger, Neha Patel, fibbed when she said that she is endorsed by the Metropolitan Detroit AFL-CIO. The release included a link to the AFL-CIO’s website’s endorsement page … which lists an endorsement of Patel. Oops. Can’t win ‘em all!